Followed by Example

Have you had those days where you are like my kids are out of control and I’m loosing it and don’t know what to do? Have you ask yourself what can you do different!

             I have several friends, who are parent and just feel like they are at a lost with their children. Now I am by no means saying that I am the perfect parent because I am by far not! By my stories of myself you can tell! 

              I have these situations I can point out and I do because I feel not only are great examples! So there is this child we will call Jake.O and let me add before I go further! I love all children! I also feel if they get corrected before they head out in the world they have a better chance to live a good and better life than falling off the wagon! It’s about time, teaching, and most of all attention and LOVE!!!!!!

              So I would love to just say Jake was mine!!! I only have one boy, so having another would just be great! Yes me being a single mother would be hard on me, but he’s soo great! Jake was abuse by his mother when he was younger and his father well, he’s a great person on the inside, he just don’t think so. He has a lot of issues to deal with hisself! I have seen the father at his absolute best. And I think I have been the only woman in his life who has,other than his mother. After I met him, he kind of was already going down the wrong path which is why things wouldn’t of ever worked out! Or went anywhere!

                 But this boy, Jake is just so adorable, innocent, and just the sweetest thing ever! But inside I think Jake feels hurt, confused, angry, and mostly unloved. His granny now raises him. And she does an amazing job! Her attention has been mainly focused on Jake that her life has not only gone by with her own boys already grown up and we’ll over 30, but on those days that aren’t to good with Jake, she feels she don’t know what to do, wonders if she can hold on any longer.

                 So Jake has Bi-polar, I also have a daughter who has Bi-polar as well, so I do have knowledge about some things. I am not a doctor nor try to be. But I do give advice when asked. I do all the research that I can, because I feel that the more information you have the better you can handle mental illnesses. Plus the mind really intrigues me!

               Well I was talking to Jakes granny and she was almost in tears, about Jakes behavior lately. I started asking questions. First of all here recently he got to meet his sister, and due to her mom getting a new job and school they hadn’t been able to come visit she said. So I proceed to say ” do you think he maybe bothered by not seeing them?” And she said “well I hadn’t asked and he hasn’t said anything.”

               I continued, ” well he could be bothered by that for several reasons, first he could feel upset because they come into his life, he felt overjoyed, love and happy, and now they haven’t been there. His mom hasn’t seen him how long?”

                   She said “about 4 years now, hasn’t called, nothing.”

                  See she abused Jake, she would disciplined him with a hot metal spatula. From my understanding she was on drugs, but on them or not there are more efficient ways to discipline a child and that isn’t it! Even if they are in a rage.

                  Then, I said ” you know and seeing his sisters mother be a good mother and love his sister and her siblings could have an effect on him. This could be raisin questions for him. Like, why isn’t my mom like that? Or what is wrong with me?”Because usually a child who does have a mental illness like bi-polar knows or feels like they are different. They tend to think other notice it too. This is a stage my daughter has went through and still does. It keeps her from going to people houses having people over, and at times going anywhere.

                 “Self-consciously he could be feeling like something is wrong with him and none of this is about him! It actually is about his mother. She couldn’t handle his behavior and thought discipline his behavior by all means would correct it when that is not how it is, in this case, I added.  “So now he is acting out”

                  Then I asked “what is he doing, as to his actions, what exactly? When is he acting out?”

                So, she explained ” well he actually started back in Januaray, when his dad started coming back around. He would start pushing me. And calling me names(I won’t repeat, they are inappropriate, kids his age should NOT be saying.), he throws things.”

              I then asked, “do you think it’s a behavior because he wants something or behavior because he’s angry, or just plain acting out.”

              I could tell in her voice she wanted to start crying but she held it together very well. “Well, that’s just it, I don’t know, he gets what he wants!”

                So I asked ” how much was he around his dad and his behavior?” “A lot! He watched him push and beat woman, Jake saw and heard how his father done!” she said.

                “Well that’s why he’s doing it! It’s learned behavior! When he’s frustrated that’s the only way he knows how to communicate! If he saw his father act out in violence and plainly act out, when he is mad and upset, Jake is going to do the same thing. He can’t pick up a game controller Everytime he is mad and think that will help his anger! If he don’t talk about it he actually has to physically get it out! That’s what he was taught, so until he can actually communicate with words, which he is a boy, so good luck with that!, he has to physically get it out! Get him a punching bag, get him into martial arts, karate, or even boxing. Even when he gets mad send him outside, tell him his behavior is not excepted inside, he can wail on the tree, the ground, hell he can he can even repeatedly shoot baskets with the basketball, or kick a soccer ball around!”

          “But he has physically have to get his anger out. He’s following by example! He saw, he learned, now doing! Sometimes you can in teach, but instead use alternative activities. Obviously he’s strong so put it to use! If he knows and let him know his behavior unexceptable and mean it, and. Find an alternate activity for him to do he can take his anger out on that!”

               I have a child who cheers. On her bad days I have seen her cheer with tears because she is so angry. That’s her release! My other child and the kid down the road it’s basketball! I have seen them shoot ball over and over while they were crying!!!! If you have something to alternate your energy to them  the violence would not be half as bad!  

                 The conversation she said helped her out! I also advised the father does the same! Woman are to be loved and cherished! God put us here for loving not hurting!!! This would help him and Jake! Kids follow by example! 

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