Things That Meant So Much Mean So Little

I always have a sense of meaning! I have said it before, I am very in touch with my spiritual side! I was always told when you talk to people look them in the eyes, and always shake their hand. And I have always done just that! I suppose that’s why my friendship circle is very huge a very far spread! I never had a certain type of people or group of people I always like everyone! Everyone is my friend! Unless you crossed me! I should say before my car wreck that is! After I still like you just really didn’t go out my way for you!

        When I meet people I see their beauty! I see them through their eyes! My mom says I have a gift, I say it’s common sense! Every person I meet has touched me in some way or another! Either their life, a story, a helping hand, their child/children! I do have a weakness for kids! I suppose since I had kids myself I just grown to love them! When I babysat I use to say I’d never have kids! Good thing I did though my life would be completely opposite! I wouldn’t want it any other way! 

          I also cherish every moment! Whether it’s driving, walking, listening to music, acting crazy, or just doing nothing! Everything I do I feel is for a reason! I think in some weird aspect or another it’s for a purpose to! Haven’t quite figured that out, and maybe not suppose to but I believe that too! 

          My memory sometimes fails because I do suffere from short term memory loss, from my car wreck….. So I can remember every detail to the color of…… Exactly when and where up until the day of my wreck, shoot until I flicked the cigarette out! And the car wreck it’s not blank and yes I can remember things, I’m not like all blank but days get confused sometimes, and events and sometimes I get so rushed with what’s going on I forget a lot!!! But it’s not as bad as my mother makes it out to be sometimes! 

         Ecspecially when it means a lot to me, it’s pretty much stuck! I can recall things that happened, and sometimes people like to switch it up like I’m a fool but I know! I always like to think of my memory like a computer! When it gets overloaded yes it works slower, and yes it may mess up a little but it works just fine! There’s nothing wrong with it!

           I think about things in my past and in my recent past and wonder how can things that meant so much to me only been so little? Is it because I tried so hard not to forget them? Or is it because I cherish everything I do and who and when that it just means so much to me?! I know I get upset sometimes when I tell my mom I wanna do sown thing and she does it with my sister or my other sister. But what about other things? Is because I’m putting too much meaning behind those things? Maybe if I didn’t I wouldn’t hurt so much!?!

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