I Miss You

Growing up I always watched over you. I remember when mom always had me take you with me everywhere I went. I use to get sooo mad at you because you had to go. I wasn’t never mad at you, I was mad at mom and I took it out on you and I’m sorry!😭

         I remember when we lived in the house shaped like a barn. We felt like we lived in a mansion. I use to call you names. I cry sometimes now because I feel bad I was so mean to you. I remember fighting with you and hitting you and even pushing you down the stairs! I was so cruel to you. I regret everyday all the things I ever did to you!

         Now that I am older I look at all the cruel things I did! And I’m so angry at myself because of who I was back then and I should have never treated you that way, and for the reasons I did. I was mad at the world! I was mad at mom for not being there! I was mad at dad for leaving us! I was more mad at me because I felt bad because I was mean to you the day before. I was mad at me because mom was mad, I felt like mom was mad because you looked like dad, and that’s why she drank!

            I was mad because of what her boyfriend did to me! I was thankful that it wasn’t you! I’m also thankful that it wasn’t you in the car that wrecked or that you wasn’t inthe car with me! You have always been by my side when I needed you! And we have always been two peas in a pod! I love you so much!

              I know I may never told you enough growing up! And I know now that being hard on you growing up has made you the strong woman you are today! My heart aches because we don’t talk, we don’t see each other, and it’s like we hardly know each h other! I can hardly say your name without crying sometimes, because it feels like my other half is gone!

                I don’t even know you anymore! I hear what you do and how you are now days and sow times I shake my head and wonder if I’m the reason you are lies you are! I do hold responsibility for sow of your behaviors and I feel bad, but know I love you and I miss you everyday! My heart is weak because the little girl I once held I storms and cleaned for school is now a grown woman who hardly cries and now acts nothing is ever wrong! But I know! I hear in your voice! I love you and miss you! I worry daily about you and wish you were close to me! My world is so lost with my sisterπŸ’πŸ˜­πŸ˜”πŸ‘­I feel broken without youπŸ’”

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