It’s Been While

It’s been sometime since my last blog. I’ve been super busy at work. And with my mom being sick it’s been hard to catch a break, alone time, or even time to think.

     I have so much to express just not sure how. Between sadness, hurt and questions. And mostly direction not sure which way to turn. I mostly been praying which has helped me a lot lately. I’m not really a huge “praying” kind of gal. But I’m mostly as for peace. 

      Update on my mom. So I wrote about my mom being sick. More spots were found. They cleared up most of her infections in her body. So they found her spots on her bladder which they think is due to her mesh. This week they have indeed said it is cancer! She is scheduled to have one removed was originally January 10th, but got pushed back to December 28th. 

        My heart hurts most importantly because I’m scared. I’m scared for her, and my sisters, and my family. She doesn’t wanna talk about it and that makes it hard on us all. I see the sadness in her face and the scared look in her eyes which brings tears to my eyes every time. Although I try to be strong I don’t cry in front of her nor anyone else.

         I’ve pretty much sheltered myself away from everyone. I don’t talked to but a couple girls I have made from work. Since August I really quit hanging out with my old girlfriends. I talk to them but don’t hangout with them. The two girls I meant at work I have become really come really close with.

         Not sure if it’s because we work together and see each other all the time. We hang out occasionally outside of work. But when I’m not at work I’m doing mommy things. I really try to keep busy. Not sure if it’s to keep my mind occupied so I don’t break down, or if it’s just because that’s what I do. So use to being busy. 

          I know two things are certain I am super scared about my mom and my kids! My two older girls know about the condition my mom is in up to date. My other daughter I haven’t told yet or my son. Going to wait until after the holiday to tell them possibly. I know my other daughter is going to take it super hard and I don’t want my son to be worried and it ruin his holiday with his dad. 

         I will try to write more blogs, work is going to be slowing down, and I have so much to write about. 

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