So growing up my mom was never around, she either was working to help provide for me and my sister, or she was at the bar/partying.
So growing up I practically raised my sister. She is 2 years you get than me. And even after all I have done I have always loved her. Never wanted anything to happen to her. My job has and always will be to keep her safe and protected.
When we were younger you not believe that’s what I wanted for her. I was so mean to my sister, at the time it was the moment we were in. I was soo angry with my mom. Like I was just a child, why did I have this responsibility.
Kids picked on my sister, I had to fight them off her. At the same time stressed out abt what’s gonna happen when Mom finds out what’s going on. How much trouble we would be in. I stuck up for her in many ways., only in public.
I was soo mean to her at home, now being grown and seeing how I did her I feel terrible. Everyday! I apologize to her. If there were a way to turn back and change I would change some of the things I did to her. There were times I would say such cruel things to her. If she didn’t listen I intimidated her, to listen. I was soo mean!
There was times I had thrown knives at her, once out fun, like at the time I thought it was funny, seeing the way she reacted, and the other occasion was to see her reaction. She had mad me soo mad..
There were times I got so mad at her I’d just start hitting her tugging on her shirt getting her mad, times I’d pull her hair. There were times she tried fighting back and it got bad, when I was drunk or high, it got really bad. I pushed her down some stairs a time or two. And that in itself sits in my heart with such great regret and remorse.
I never realized how aweful I was to her until after I gotten older and by that time her anger and the hate had already grew within her. I have soo much regret in my heart and soul for the things I done to her. The humiliation I put her through, the doubts she has now, and she’s dealt with through her life. I just hope even though through the stuff we been through our bond is always there and she is always in my heart and soul. I love her more than anyone in my life even when I don’t agree with her she’s always my sister💯❤️