It seems as soon as things slow down another curveball gets thrown my way. I have always been told what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And God never gives you what you can’t handle. But when is enough, enough! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!
When will I have proven I am strong! I am good! I can do it because I have already been threw so much! And I’m only 33! My parent were divorced when I was young, I was raised by a single parent, who drank all the time, I was molested by her boyfriend, I have been date raped! I have been in a car wreck that about killed me due to my own drinking problem! I a kid before I graduated(my graduation year!) I had 3 more on top of that! I got married and divorced! I was in an abusive relationship, mentally, physically and emotionally! I got put in jail once, 12 hours, but I still did it! Put on probation! I mean I was treated aweful and took me forever to clear me and make myself look good and my name again! And on top of all of that now my mom is dying!
Not on top of all the other emotional shit I deal with in a daily, either because my daddy hasn’t really never been around! I have put my heart out to those I have tried to love and got nothing in return! I have always been told to treat others as you want to be treated! I have plants my seeds! So why is I have to do this!!! This is one thing in my life I never thought I’d have to deal with this soon!!! I pictured wheeling her around being old and gray together this is by far not how I pictured it!
I can’t even wrap my head around this situation! This is too soon! And apparently she has known for a year! A FUCKIN YEAR!!! ( pardon my language! I’m very upset!) How can you keep having Brain cancer away from your kids for a year!!! And give nothing to them! No answers to their questions!
Now I get the part of not wanting us to re-arrange our life because of her sickness, she is head strong! She is very bull-headed and she can do everything herself! But we want to be with her! We want to share these moments and have fun and remember how ever long she has left with her! And not knowing and what’s exactly wrong, and how much, and this and that! Is killing us!!! Me and my sisters!
She has given us one story after another! We can’t go to doctor appointments! We can’t drive her! We are not pittying her, we want to be involved!! We care, we love our mama!!! We have had a very rough life but it’s only been her!!! This curveball hasn’t stopped turning since Thursday!!!!!
I just wanna be with my mama! And or alone!!! I love my Mama!