Midnight Hours

The importance of her to you is what? When you need help and nobody shows up? When you need a ear to listen because nobody else cared to hear you? The midnight hours when nobody saw her coming but you?

Her self worth is a lot compared to many but to you what is it worth? Not enough. Because while she was crying in her pillows thinking of you and what you meant to her, you forgot about her until the midnight hour came. You needed an ear to listen. You need that warm body next yours.

All she wanted to hear was that she was yours. She wanted to be more than a midnight hour. She wanted you to protect her, like she protected you. She wanted you to hold her heart like she does yours. She’s just as strong and as fragile as you, if not more, but she stayed stronger for you.

She wanted you to choose her and tell her you chose her. Like she has always you. She was more than a midnight hour, so many wanted her to be theirs but she only saw you. She only wants you. Let her in! Let her be more than your midnight hour. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Those Moments

Never take for granted tomorrow what you can do today. Sometimes we think I can do that tomorrow and plan things for another day and another day. And before you know it more, other days pass and so much time passed and all those “other days” are gone. Those missed times can’t be replaced.

We always think we can just do it tomorrow and push our stuff off, and before we know it time passes and so much could have done. And those moments are gone.

Last night while I watched those beautiful lights going off in the sky tears rolling down my face all I could think was time passed. My kids are already mostly grown and what not and just thought of things, time. Time that has passed. I’m happy in my life for the most part. Just things are overwhelming at times.

Cherish the moments, don’t waste time, never waste moments💋❤️💋❤️

Dear Sweet Lady,

Dear Sweat Lady,

I understand why you may not like me. I usually don’t come across many people who don’t. I love you anyways. I wish we knew each other better. And most of all I wish you wouldn’t judge me.

Yes my feelings are hurt. It did put a little damper on my heart because I think you are a wonderful person. I realize and understand to a degree your point of view. Only because of what I been told. I just love meeting people and hearing their stories. And I wish I could hear yours.

The little time I spent with you before you decided not to like me because if disrespectful move, I was against. I realized you are a very intelligent woman. Yes you are an elderly woman, so you have been through incredible things. It saddens me that I couldn’t learn more from you other than what you have taught me already. Which make note has helped me. *Looking over my receipts😉.

I also wanted you to know I didn’t choose the life I ended up. Yes I made choices to be where I am. Which has made it completely worth it. Or I wouldn’t be the happiest woman alive(catch that part up in another blog😉), with the best man in the world, that you remarkably help raise! So I thank you for that as well.

A few facts though. I understand your place in life which I’m blessed for you. I just wish you didn’t judge so quickly. Yes I have tattoos, I choose them because of art. I was raised around them and at the time I thought that’s what we did.

Yes I have kids, they are not baggage. And yes I was married, and now divorced. It took years to leave him because I tried to make that work. But raising kids and a man with addictions and not working can’t make a family work, especially when he wouldn’t let his wife work. So I did what was best for me and my kids, left so I could take care of them like they needed to be taken care of properly.

Yes I got with another man under the influence we were going to get married after I had my son, but realized I wouldn’t marry another man with addiction or who physically abused me. I wouldn’t of even got with him if I knew about his addiction but by time I found out I was 4 months pregnant and got him help. Yes he was sober for a little while but keeping him sober was the hardest thing at that point in my life.

I fully believe in the lord he works mysterious and glorious ways, I do not push what I believe on to others, but I know what I believe, in my native ways. That all being said you should be blessed I have your grandson. Because he is the best father, role model and example any child and children should have who hasn’t had that in their life. And willing to be that, because my kids adore him.

I have made my own way since I was younger, and not after him for any reason other than his love, happiness and a family. Because that’s what we both want. Not just for our children but ourselves as well when our children are grown and gone. We want to build together. That’s it.

And regardless of how you feel towards me I love you. And I will always. Because you are a very sweet lady. And I’ve liked you since day one no matter what you have said about me. Just letting you know I hold no anger towards you only love❤️❤️❤️❤️

A Mess But Soo Perfect

Have you ever sat and wondered how everything can be soo messy but when it smoothers out its so perfect. Life works like every time. I’ve learned not to question so much.

The whys, and the how’s sometimes can’t be answered. Yes I turn to god and I pray and my answers are always in front of my face. Maybe not at that moment, but when I look hard enough, they are always right there.

It’s usually a conquest to push me harder because I’m not pushing hard enough, or in the right direction. We get so use to routine, and need to change up. And the expect the same results. And in the end, I end more content than expected than I would have been, or could have been.

We always have choices in life. Neither is right or wrong, it’s about what is best. Which choice are you going to choose today.? The good choice or best choice. The messy choice or the messy choice that makes it perfect?❤️❤️❤️❤️

I Promise To

Everyone’s biggest fear is failing! Your biggest fear is failing! I promise from today forward never to give up on you. Yes you are going have hiccups but you will never fail me! As I will never fail you. If fall I will pick you up, and if I fall I hope you pick me up.

I have faith and trust in you as you do in me. I have never doubt that in you. As long as our communications open and honest no matter how awkward that can be at times, there is nothing we can’t get through. Yes there will be tribulations we have to get through, it’s part of life, but I will fight every battle with you against you. As long you understand we are on the same team, we can never loose. It’s you and me against the world. And we are in it together baby to the end! We will not fail.

You may not be good at this and scared but so am I and we can do this together, and as long as we are communicating, and sticking through this together, that’s all that matters. We have each other. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

When It Doesn’t Make Sense

When it seems I don’t make sense, it’s because I have a lot more to say. It most cases it either because I don’t know how about say it or I just can’t.

Last night I was asked what’s on my mind, and instead of flat out saying what I needed to say, like hurry up and get me home, because I didn’t wanna fall apart and just start balling my eyes out, and just why I wanted to. I said a million short different things, which were to also on my mind.

My conversation was about happiness and all u wanna do is see people happy. The less stress they are the happy people are. At this point, the situation at hand. Me stepping away that is the best. I gave a choice. But I been thinking and I think it’s just best to step away. The granny don’t like me because of a choice he made. I said no he imposed. I said it was disrespectful and didn’t want to go over to her house and the time amid night it was and he said too bad, and now she don’t like me because of that. Of course it wasn’t him, it was me. It’s whatever.

I love his granny regardless of the judgmental things I myself heard her say about me. I think she is a good person. People are who they are. You can’t change their minds. His mother told me she is jus that way anyway. She loved her too. Lol.

It hurts that if his heart is truly with mine he can’t be happy because he is choosing his fate because if someone else’s choice, but that’s his doing, not mine. And because I am not selfish and temperamental, I am not going to beg someone to be with me. I want them happy. I know my worth, I know i am a great person and I deserve that. I treat myself just that great!! I would rather be alone! If my happiness is without my love❤️❤️❤️❤️

No Words Can Express

My heart is torn, because I had to do the worst thing, and that was give you a choice. And I’m sure I already know how it’s gonna turn out. No words can express how I feel, because my love for you runs deeper than the ocean.

When you said your future was with me, I actually was surprised not really thinking about my future after my children leave home, which is just a few years away. After hearing you say that I couldn’t wait to spend it with you. So I defiantly with out a doubt defiantly wanted that and started preparing myself for just that. Scared! Yes! But couldn’t wait!

Today at a lost for words because I don’t know what to do! I pictured the rest of my life with you and now it’s a black hole. I am happy I got what time I had with and the fact my positive ness and inspiration is what you like about me just wished it was enough for you.

There were many times in the last three years I could of ran away in my mind at times I wish I did but thankful more that I didn’t. Blessed even more I got to stay….I love you soooo much and always going to❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️