Dear You

I wonder if this is how it is getting older and your kids getting older. The loneliness kicking in. I’m so use to be surrounded by people, kids, friends and most of my love.

Lately everyone has been so busy. And seems Ive spent more time alone. I was alone for the longest time and yes liked it a lot. But since I’ve had him around it’s been like I want him around all the time. Not because I don’t want or can’t be alone because of the long time I did have alone. And his company is fun, comforting, and just full filling

Now having someone who I actually enjoy being around is different. The company I have, with you is not only fun but I learn things too. And that makes it worth a lot to me. Memories I want to keep making.

People have only so much time on earth and my time has already been spent with people who had taught me what I don’t want and you have been teaching all i do want. So it seems the wasted time, I’m trying to make up with what I love and enjoy doing.

People say it’s good to be alone but when your so use to being alone you just don’t want that. You want the enjoyable company to make memories with. Spend time doing things together.

My kids are older, getting out, hardly home. At this point in my life I was wanting to be more concentrated on building more with us. And getting more time alone makes me question everything. And I’m wondering is any of this normal?

Dear You,

You always get told communication is the key that makes any relationship work. But you also have to look at the other factors that do to. Trust, faith, belief, intimacy, not just touch but with words and most of all effort.

Trust is huge because if your not communicating about why your having trust issues you can’t get over the the problem or tackle it for that matter. Especially if one has cheated or one has betrayed. To get that trust back, you have to be willing to talk about about it. That’s the toughest thing to do.

Faith is hard. Having faith that the choice your making is right. Beyond all doubts and reasonings that you have faith that the choice is in fact right for you . And when your in love it’s the the best for both of you. Because when you do love you don’t think about you, you think about them, that other person. You have faith. With out faith, you have no hope.

Belief, belief that the fight your fighting is worth it. Through tears, pain, and all the hurt and at the end of the tunnel it was all worth the struggles. Every relationship has struggle, big, little, massive, trauma is trauma is trauma. But you have to believe that your doing the right thing for yourself and the other person. You can not be clone toxic to each other through your struggling times. You have to believe it’s a just a moment and it will get better, because always thinking negative about it will make you become negative about the entire relationship.

Intimacy, is huge. Yes sex is big in some relationships but this isn’t just what they are based upon. And if tradition was still hip, and the road everyone traveled you would know wait until marriage and then intimacy would have more value. As it should. Never forget how we make each other feel, when we felt at the beginning. Compliments, the blushing, the butterflies, the smiling from ear to ear when we knew the cell going off was in fact her/him or that text was that person. That’s the intimacy I’m talking about. Don’t let that fade. The touch down then leg for no reason, the brush behind the ear, the small kiss on the cheek just because, out of the blue, or that cute text that said good morning. This small intimate things are the biggest parts of what dies, that should be kept alive. That makes a person feel important, valued, and most of loved. And those small chats about when we were kids, or off the wall conversations that anybody else heard would think we were completely crazy, that only we understood, and laugh about. Never loose those moments, in the car to the store, or walking to the mailbox, or quick text of some random silly text. That intimacy you can’t get anywhere else.

Lastly effort. Never give up, always make an effort. When it seems one isn’t trying or caring, it really hurts both of you. Because whether you know or not two people being around each other for few years can actually feel that and not even know it. And it effects everyone around you. It’s the aura coming of you, and no effort means you just give up. The littlest effort can be taking trash out or saying I don’t feel good today, because we all get some kind of depression, naturally, and just have a down day, is all the effort needed. Everyone has their own way of showing how they care, it can just being there with someone, some show it my doing things for someone, like cooking, shopping, and others like to do things with people. It’s just how we all are different.

We all have different ways of showing love communicating and talking about our worries and discussing things that makes us happy and not so happy is what makes it all come together. And these other little factors help too.

Just food for thought really❤️❤️

Dear You,

Wow 8 months a lot has happened. Our communication, was soo off. If I wouldn’t of been so worried to speak to you we could of been over a lot of those crazy thoughts I had all along😂.

A lot of times we stay in our heads because of all the bad situations our past has already put us through which already has thinking we’re being set up for destruction which in turns destructs what we already have going on.

The let downs, the sadness, and most of remembering what had already happened previously and thinking it’s just a repeated scenario. Not really realizing hey new situation, new person, because we get so tied up in our own emotions and before it’s too late, we are being selfish of our own self, and it’s really hurting or new relationship, because of overthinking.

Relationships take time, a lot of time. Everyone of them, and all types, and each person. And long term relationships take a lot of work. At times I have wanted to give up and just be done as I thought you have been too. But our communication has been the number one reason why we have had problems.

And since our communication has been better our relationship couldn’t work either because we didn’t have God in it either. Without his help in our relationship it couldn’t be possible. Everyday we do have to work hard at it. But it is completely worth it😁❤️😁❤️😁

I Felt Soo Foolish

Dear You,

I been doing all I can to keep my mind busy and not think about you. And yes it’s hard. Not going to lie depression hasn’t hit so hard in a long time until the last few months. As it eases up I seem to think clearly now. Which I’m feeling a little better day by day.

Today I was running things through my head and feeling so ridiculous but with a smile on my face at the same time I just wanted to start crying. I heard a truck that sounded clearly like yours and immediately I was looking around hoping it was you. And obviously it wasn’t you. Just the sound of your truck made memories flow through my mind.

And tears just wanted to flow like a flood like spring shower. All I could think about was trios we took to get car parts, or the time we went to get the trailer, which was the the night I knew I loved you. With out a doubt! I knew then I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And today I sit here like empty. I know I have to move on at some point. Not to be with someone else but to heal from being fooled for soo long. Lied to about this thing I was told we had and cone to terms that it really wasn’t.

Holidays

Dear You,

Just in the last few months you have no idea how much my heart has been hurting. Not on top, of the heart ache of not being your wife as expected. The holidays are coming and being your wife in our home is not coming.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite holidays. And wanting to spend it as a family with you was something I was really looking forward to. Cooking a huge dinner for us, was defiantly already planned. And decorating the house and putting s Christmas tree up was completely top of the list.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my heart saddens we won’t be together. My kids without a home. A dinner not cooked by me, I do every year won’t be done. But most of we won’t be together.

I will defiantly try to make the best of the holidays, but my heart sure hurts because of the meaning of the it. Family together on the holidays❤️❤️❤️❤️

Fail

Dear You,

Just hearing the would failure, fail, or failed, makes my heart crumble. Makes my body feel numb. When I hear you say I failed you. My mind twirls around and around like tornado.

Questions just flood my mind like a river over a damn. How can that be? I question, fail? How? I follow what you say precisely so I don’t fail and somehow I do. I sit in silence just so I can’t be misquoted by words and still they get twisted around, or misinterpreted.

I failed you! How? Is it because I follow directions so much? Is because of your indecisiveness, and you mind changes you can’t keep up with what you want? That you want me to fail.

Maybe you want me to fail so bad, because you have failed me. It’s always easier to point fingers. I’ve always been told blaming is always a reflection of yourself. Maybe the failure you think is the failure you feel you have caused me. You keep pointing my little shortcomings, which in 4 years of knowing me isn’t very much.

But I haven’t count yours. What’s the use. When you love someone those don’t matter. When you care about someone it’s the blessings and the overcoming that matter. It’s not about what’s wrong it’s about what can get better, what’s gonna be better, and working together to do better. I just wanna do better❤️❤️❤️❤️