I Felt Soo Foolish

Dear You,

I been doing all I can to keep my mind busy and not think about you. And yes it’s hard. Not going to lie depression hasn’t hit so hard in a long time until the last few months. As it eases up I seem to think clearly now. Which I’m feeling a little better day by day.

Today I was running things through my head and feeling so ridiculous but with a smile on my face at the same time I just wanted to start crying. I heard a truck that sounded clearly like yours and immediately I was looking around hoping it was you. And obviously it wasn’t you. Just the sound of your truck made memories flow through my mind.

And tears just wanted to flow like a flood like spring shower. All I could think about was trios we took to get car parts, or the time we went to get the trailer, which was the the night I knew I loved you. With out a doubt! I knew then I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And today I sit here like empty. I know I have to move on at some point. Not to be with someone else but to heal from being fooled for soo long. Lied to about this thing I was told we had and cone to terms that it really wasn’t.

Holidays

Dear You,

Just in the last few months you have no idea how much my heart has been hurting. Not on top, of the heart ache of not being your wife as expected. The holidays are coming and being your wife in our home is not coming.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite holidays. And wanting to spend it as a family with you was something I was really looking forward to. Cooking a huge dinner for us, was defiantly already planned. And decorating the house and putting s Christmas tree up was completely top of the list.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and my heart saddens we won’t be together. My kids without a home. A dinner not cooked by me, I do every year won’t be done. But most of we won’t be together.

I will defiantly try to make the best of the holidays, but my heart sure hurts because of the meaning of the it. Family together on the holidays❤️❤️❤️❤️

Fail

Dear You,

Just hearing the would failure, fail, or failed, makes my heart crumble. Makes my body feel numb. When I hear you say I failed you. My mind twirls around and around like tornado.

Questions just flood my mind like a river over a damn. How can that be? I question, fail? How? I follow what you say precisely so I don’t fail and somehow I do. I sit in silence just so I can’t be misquoted by words and still they get twisted around, or misinterpreted.

I failed you! How? Is it because I follow directions so much? Is because of your indecisiveness, and you mind changes you can’t keep up with what you want? That you want me to fail.

Maybe you want me to fail so bad, because you have failed me. It’s always easier to point fingers. I’ve always been told blaming is always a reflection of yourself. Maybe the failure you think is the failure you feel you have caused me. You keep pointing my little shortcomings, which in 4 years of knowing me isn’t very much.

But I haven’t count yours. What’s the use. When you love someone those don’t matter. When you care about someone it’s the blessings and the overcoming that matter. It’s not about what’s wrong it’s about what can get better, what’s gonna be better, and working together to do better. I just wanna do better❤️❤️❤️❤️

Everyday

Dear You,

You can see the same people everyday, do the same things, but nobody came the pain, the hurt. Everyday, your hurting. The tears your eyes let out. The screams you yelled. Nobody can tell.

You feel your in shambles. It’s not that your not happy with yourself, because you known who you are. It’s you let him in a place you never thought you there was a place in you. And that place In yourself. Added so many special things in your life, you were just content. You never thought would end.

It was just completed. Now it’s gone and you feel sooo empty. All the things you like and fulfilled you look for him to share with him and he’s not there. Conversations, laughs, your day, the smallest thing as his smell, and it’s just not there. Everything is just not the same. Food isn’t right no more.

Movies are enjoy, music isn’t enjoyable, nothing is funny. I’m looking for that corny joke. My laugh isn’t even the same anymore. Everyday is empty. I just feel soo lost. I love you sooo much🖤🖤🖤

He’s All You Have

Dear You,

People on a daily ask why your smiling and you answer because have God in my side. They give you a weird look on their face. And that gives you a bigger smile. It doesn’t make you look down on them but make my heart sad for them. Not feel the love and joy I have.

There are days I am knelt down on the floor balling my eyes out wondering why I’m hurting and why, and soon feel his touch and realize I am no longer lonely. He’s here with me. I remind myself this is just right now. This is just a moment, this isn’t my destiny.

When I talk about why I am over joyed in my happy times even though I am going through a tough time, it’s because I know I know who is beside me, I know who is holding me, and who is protecting me. Whether I am strong or at my weakest points in my life. He, My God, My Lord, My Savior is!

I have been going through what I thought I couldn’t and wouldn’t, but I know in my heart he wouldn’t give me what I can’t handle, he never has. I have overcame, struggles in my life, I never thought I could, I wouldn’t if he wasn’t by my side guiding me. I have faith he is helping through this. I lean on him because in the end, through tears, through joys, He’s the only Man, who never leaves, no matter what, and that is my God!❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is making me stronger. This is a blessing. It may not feel like it at times, but sometimes we aren’t suppose to know the answers, we just weren’t meant to. But I believe and have full faith he wouldn’t lead me in any other direction. But greatness!

Made Her Feel

Dear You,

When you asked her to marry you, you gave her the sense and security of being safe and loved for eternity. Knowing that you have tendencies of being indecisive, she knew without a doubt you were not indecisive about her! You were in love with her.

She knew you were in love with her because for the last 3 years she knew known you, she knew you so well. The depths of conversation you two had were as deep as oceans. The long nights you had with her and hours of talks you shared. The time and spent with each other, the tribulations and hardships life threw at two, to overcome together, she knew nothing could come between you two.

The love between you two is soo strong , nobody could tear it apart, because you two were built to fit. Her love for you is so strong, and a love people wish for everyday.

How can two people love each other so much, have something so great, but one doesn’t wanna work so hard to keep, what so many people in the world search for. Some search their whole life for what they have and never find it. Yes it takes work. And yes at times it’s going to be hard, but why be scared? Why, not go for it? Why give it up? Why make her feel she she has it all and then leave it like she has nothing? Or like she was nothing?🖤